-My takeaway from Jack
Canfield’s “How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be.”
Principle 3: Decide What You Want
Canfield quotes Ben Stein
who shares a simple truth:
“The indispensable first
step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.”
That Ben Stein said this
reveals an important context to goal setting. Goals need not be fixed for life.
They should evolve as you evolve.
Ben Stein had been many
things. He had been a speech writer for presidents. A comedian. An actor. A
lawyer. A commentator. And an author.
Did he own a keystone goal?
Or different goals for the different roles? Or did he designed a set of goals
that will fuel every endeavor?
Looking at the different
types of challenges he took, I think it’s hard to have a common goal for all.
So I will assume that you will have to set new goals for new roles.
The important idea is that
you should be clear about what you want before you can get it.
In short, once you have
decided [or found] the why, you have to decide the what.
[I happen to think that the
why is not a prerequisite to success for everyone, every time. It’s no harm
suffering to dig the why, but don’t get stuck for the why. Move on to the what.
I have to admit that I am
influenced by a recent TED talk on You Tube. I can’t remember the speaker but
it was about mindfulness.
Summarily, you can ask, “Why
am I feeling lost?” (as leading to “Maybe, I need to have a purpose in life,”)
or you can ask, “What actions must I take to get over feeling lost?” (placing
more importance to salvation than understanding. Maybe, one can come back to
why after we’re unstuck.)
Don’t get me wrong. “Why” is
not at all useless. Why is important if you want to eliminate the root causes
to stop repeats. The “why” is important when you’re helpless and have very
little tangible to hang on to…ala Viktor Frankl at the concentration camp.
Maybe, he did ask the “what” first.
Maybe he asked, “What have I
got to do to survive this torture?” And
then he found that one of the five or fifty things is to excavate the “why.”
Whatever. The “why” is not
useless. But do not get stuck in the “why” if it takes too long. Develop the
vaccine. Don’t dwell on why the virus had to hit us. Do that and do the vaccine. That is my point.
Find the “why” but don’t let
it take too long. The “why” will give you a sense of alignment. The “what” will
get you going forward. If you hit a purple patch, you are not going to ask the
“why.” You keep rolling.
The “what” beats the “why.”
That’s my opinion. But I realize that it is different strokes for different
folks. Some are willing to stall with the idea that they can’t move forward
without the “why.” It’s fine. I always believe that despite all the results
from the neuroscience labs, there are outliers.
One certainty. You can’t get
what you want if you do not know what it is you want. Except for a minute
percentage of outliers. There may be people who can get what they want without having
to want it. It’s a happenstance. A chancy thing.]
What’s the best thing to do
now? Let’s get back to Canfield’s Principle 3. Why? Because it’s what I wanted
to do. In the first place.
You are encouraged to do
some deep thinking. What do you want to do, be and have? Where do you want to
be? What does success look like to you?
Define your desires in clear
and compelling detail. [Compelling is achieved when you feel the meaning of
your desires driving you to take action. Compelling is not just writing in
forceful language. You may be persuaded differently. In different tone. Tough
love may not cut it.]
[This is the stage where,
“don’t be a baby’ is worse than not helping. You would want to embrace
babyship. Scream and cry (taking appropriate actions) like a baby, without
inhibition (you don’t know and you don’t care) until you get what you want
(your goal). Again, I get a not so sure feeling. Mainly with “without
inhibition.” Real life, we are governed by rules. May be different rules. None
of us are totally free. Even in the freest (or most democratic) of society.
It’s a matter of perspective. We are socialist and communist in varying degrees
or we are democratic in varying degrees. Totally uninhibited could be a problem
in any system. But then, you are expected to get the ‘get it,” the spirit of
the teaching. Still, don’t go about pointing a gun at someone even if you want
something badly.]
[Parents and teachers get
the brunt. For every kid or grown up who are yet successful-the Bhutan ‘yet to
be happy’ slant-or who are continuously pursuing success, parents and teachers
get the blame for their cautious moves.]
Principle 3 asks; “Were you
inhibited by early childhood programming [by parents and teachers?]. The text
continues with the analysis. “As a baby, you knew exactly what you wanted…
[really? The baby wasn’t reacting to some physical discomfort or FOMO?] and you
headed straight toward it with no fear, or was it that fear had no meaning
then.]”
The author points out that
you were then held back by the don’ts, can’ts, stop and other inhibiting commands.
[Did those risk adverse
habits started with the parents and teachers or were they also victims who are
brain directed fear evangelists?
Because if you read the
people science experts, they talk about we (all of us) inheriting the ancient
brain that tries to protect us from all kinds of risks.
Can the parents and teachers
help it but to pass down the proven strategies for survival? I am sure they can
“un-automate” the habits of evangelizing safe but it takes effort. And inside
our heads, it seems there is a constant battle to control the finite energy
that is available for the growing agenda and schedules for attention. According
to the Duhigg book, we are 40% habits. 40% automated. 40% robotized. See the
challenge for parents and teachers?
My point is, while it’s
true, parents and teachers may be too much on the side of caution while
advising their kids, they are victims too. They do not consciously want to
stifle the kids. Parents and teachers are good intention full. And, inhibition
is not all bad.]
The reading continues… “After
many years of these kinds of sanctions…somehow [we] got stuck trying to figure
out what other people wanted us to do.
-We learned to develop the
need for approvals in what we want to do and how to behave.
-We started doing things to
please other people especially our parents.
The analysis is that soon we
are wrapped in layers of directives and instructions, causing our true desires
to lose their power.
[As a parent, after years of
seasoning with this reasoning, I feel guilty that my children are not supermen
now. However, I dilute my guilt with this thinking. The kids are well educated
and exposed. They can hold their own in deciding their path. Or only God can
help them. They are magnets for tidal waves of unsolicited influences. I
believe, even if parents hate to admit, our influence is just better than
insignificant. We can only guide by exceptions. If we catch them. (There goes
my parenthood score)]
[And now, a word about
inhibition. Inhibition is better than the audacity to suggest injecting toxic
chemical into your body to thwart a virus or to spread dangerous lies that may
cause lives. Occupying the Capitol with a mob is the result of uninhibited
emotion.]
Principle 3 provides
solutions to reclaim yourself and your true desires. The questions it will
answer; “How do you get back what you really want with no fear, no shame or
inhibitions? [Feels edgy. No chance of mingling with CEOs, I guess.] “How do
you reconnect with your real passion?
You start on the smallest
level by honoring your preferences in every situation-no matter how large or
small. Don’t think of them as petty. [Do we have a chance to over-rule the
intuitive brain? My next subject of interest.] …
Don’t settle for less. Make
a choice. Choose you. There were three what questions, I think these two are
powerful. “If I did care, which would I prefer? If it did matter, what would I
rather do?
The other question is not a
clear call to action for me; “If I did know, what would it be?” Canfield also
vouches that you can break a habit by practicing the opposite habit.
The author tells a story of
a radical concept he learnt from Cherie Carter-Scott, the author of “If Life Is
a game, These Are the Rules.” Cherie was handing out different colored
notebooks randomly. Jack got a yellow, he didn’t like the color. He was rescued
by Cherie who said, “If you don’t like the color of the notebook you have, trade
with someone else and get the one you want. You deserve to have everything in
your life exactly the way you want it.” [The other way is to want what you
have. Can you really trade everything? Can you really have everything exactly
the way you want it? Trade All you want but don’t spend too much time if it’s a
note book. Take it. Give it to someone who needs a notebook. Buy one that you
like, when you are done with the more important stuff.]
To unearth your true wants,
you are advised to make a list of 30 things you want to do, 30 things you want
to have and 30 things you want to be before you die, to get started. [I managed
30 things combined.]
The other trick recommended
is to get a friend to ask you continually for 15 minutes, “What do you want?”
Jot down the answers [and then what? I guess it’s to pare down to the real
serious ones of wants to you to understand what you truly value.] The exercise
ends with this observation, “…wants are true expressions of your core values.”
One of the assuring
take-away is that you can make a living doing anything you love. Canfield cites
Oprah making a living [gross understatement] hanging out talking to people.
Tiger Wood loves to play golf. Ellen DeGeneres loves to make people laugh.
Donald trump loves to make deals and build buildings [and many other stunning
things. I love to get things done through other people. I used to make a living
doing that.]
There are myriad ways to
make money in any field you love.
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| Photo by Nguy-N-Phuc on Unsplash |
…just decide what you would
like to do. To close the segment, Canfield promises to show me how to be
successful and make money at it. [I am imbued with Seth Godin and The Practice.
My success is shipping every day, from today.]
You need to have a detailed vision
of where you want to get to. Don’t worry about the how [to get there.] if you
are clear on the what, the how will be taken care of. To create a balanced and
successful life, your vision needs to include work and career, finances,
recreation and free time, health and fitness, relationships, personal goals and
contribution to the larger community.
It seems that you have an
internal GPS (Global Positioning System) that will take you to your desired
destination. All you have to do is decide where you want to go by clarifying
your vision, lock in your destination through goal setting, affirmations and
visualization, and start moving in the right direction. [This is so
reassuring.]
Do not limit your vision in
any way. Canfield believes that there are few differences between the
superachievers and the rest of the world. The superachievers [my Word keeps
asking me break the word. I am not going to because I want to keep it as it
appears in the book] simply dream bigger.
By the year just passed
[2020] Jack Canfield envisioned that he and Mark Victor Hansen would have sold
1 billion Chicken Soup books and to raise $500 million for charity. [According
to the book’s website, not dated, 500 million copies in 43 languages have been
sold. It’s there with Harry Potter series. Wow! The proof of dreaming big.
Norman Vincent Peale said, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land
among the stars.”]
If you want success, don’t
listen to dream stealers. People who will try to talk you out of your vision.
Visioning Exercise. Get into
a meditative state in a comfortable quiet environment and with the aid of
relaxing music, close your eyes and create the vision of the ideal state for
the seven areas in your life mentioned earlier. Capture the vision in writing
as soon as you complete the exercise. Keep reviewing what you have written
daily so that your conscious and subconscious minds will keep focused on your
vision. This, with the other principles and tools in the book will help you
manifest all the different aspect of your vision.
You are encouraged to share
your vision with a good friend. When you share your vision, some people will
help you to make it happen in ways they can. [Verbatim:] “And most importantly,
every time you share your vision, you strengthen your own subconscious belief
that you can achieve it.”
[Surely, if you share you
vision to those who want to help you, they will know how to help you. There is
a school of thought that discourages you from sharing your vision, dream or
goal. These gurus think that think that premature praise for your goals will
make follow through less likely, among other things. Make your choice.]
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| Photo by Ambreen Hasan on Unsplash |
Principle 3 Summary: Decide What You Want
To get to where you want to
be, you must know the destination. You must decide what you want to get what
you want.
Reclaim yourself and your
true desires. Get rid of the negative programming from your earlier years.
Start honoring your preferences no matter how small. Choose you.
Dream big. Don’t short
change yourself. If you miss the moon, you’ll land among the stars.
[Hopefully.]
Don’t listen to dream
stealers.
Detail the vision for the 7
areas of your life; work and career, finances, recreation and free time, health
and fitness, relationships, personal goals and contribution to the larger
community. Focus on it every day to trigger your internal GPS to help you reach
the destination of your choice.
Share your
final detailed vision with a good friend.
Also share this site with
your good friends if you feel the information here can help them.
Next; Principle 4: Believe
It’s Possible.